Interview with Miss B by Miss B

I've always said that one of my dream jobs would be to have my own talk show where I'll interview people and ask them crazy questions. (the other dream job would be Travel Writing, free travel hello?). Well the talk show obviously didn't happen and I'm dying to do interviews but there's nobody to interview. I don't know anyone famous enough to make it interesting. So boohoo. I'll just interview myself cos I'm that uninspired for now! (it's a bit naf I admit....)

Miss B: What's with your name? It's Bertha, how scary is that? How the hell did you end up with that name?
Miss B: Yes yes, I know...it's a love hate relationship with my name cos I grew up being the butt of all jokes. I still am you know? My lovely dad gave me the name. He apparently love the letter B and he flipped through the dictionary and saw the name "Bertha" and thought it's special cos he hasn't seen it around much. Well, dad, there's a reason why you don't see it cos people don't really name their female spawns Bertha cos it reminds people of a 7-meter tall German girl with a mustache...the type that works in a prison canteen you know? So there's a reason why you don't see it often. But yeah, I'm used to it by now...even with the very common mispronounciations. If I get a dollar every time someone mispronounces my name, I'll be a millionaire by now
Miss B: What did you want to be when you were young?
Miss B: Erm...there's once I wanted to be a teacher so I can write on the blackboard with chalk and whack all the bad students with a wooden ruler. But at some point, I wanted to be plumber I think...
Miss B: What kind of kid were you?
Miss B: Two stages: Age 0-3, according to my mom, I was every parent's nightmare. Supposedly cried non-stop, threw tantrum, hassled everyone, swallowed a light bulb and almost choked to death. Age 3 onward: relatively good kid, a bit thick, loser in school, social outcast...something like the girl at the back of the class who's eating her own hair of sort
Miss B: What's your weaknesses?
Miss B: Nice hangbags, Chanel...now I want a Mulberry Alexa (am on waiting list which should hopefully end by January)...Perfumes (cult please), Japanese food, being too emotional, being irrational at times, sloth, vanity, impatience, enough?
Miss B: If you're not doing communications right now, what would you be doing?
Miss B: Hmmm...in the ideal world, I would be a features writer of sort but I've been there, done that when I just graduated, only to find that publishing in general, pays peanuts (the whole Carrie Bradshaw thing with Jimmy Choos and 947398439 shoes has got to be a hoax). But assuming money isn't an issue, I would still be a writer of sort. If not, maybe I'll be a theater actress...again, things that don't make money...I really do wonder how it would be if I live in a communist country...just wondering really cos I don't condone communism
Miss B: What's the biggest misconception about you? Do people think that you're a bit thick?
Miss B: Well, you're kinda right that people do think that I'm thick and dense as a brick cos I think somehow I do look mildly stupid. They also think that I'm floozy and flakey cos I joke a hell lot and love to laugh and take the mickey out of every damn thing. But actually, I'm a god damn serious person. My closer friends would know that. I'm serious like Margaret Thatcher with PMS and I think the whole floozy, clownish persona, according to my psychoanalytical friend, is to diffuse the fact that I can be rather intense and most people can't deal with it
Miss B: Have you got any secret talent?
Miss B: Other than the fact that I've got the amazing talent of busting my credit card limit within a short span, I actually CAN move only one eyeball at a time. I can isolate my right eyeball and move it ONLY while the left stays put. Oh, I can do voices too. I can do Bart Simpson very very very well. So well that you would actually think that I'm the voice-over
Miss B: Any pet hates?
Miss B: Hair in food, whiny people, rude people who openly belittle people around them, people holding up queue asking dumb question or insisting that the 50cent discount coupon is valid,
Miss B: Favorite things?
Miss B: My cat, my bedroom, my nice sheets, weekends, free shopping vouchers, the feeling you get while you pack your suitcase before your holiday, airport after you check-in and about to board the plane, long night flight (yes, I'm one of those who love long flight as long as it's a night flight and everything's dark), the rush I get from inspiring book, the excitement of good music, witnessing kindness (specifically whenever I see this old man in my block feeding the stray cats), the couple of hours of "ME TIME" before I go to bed where I read and write, feeling of ocean and the salt on my skin after, Fifi Lapin drawings, Beluga whales, cute cartoons where everything's happy, The Little Prince
Miss B: Craziest thing you've done?
Miss B: Other than falling in love with an asshole while in total denial, it would probably be skinny dipping after a spliff somewhere in Ibiza (which actually makes it not crazy)

Miss B: Hobbies?
Miss B: Mostly I spend my time watching my nails grow really. But  I love surfing too. I wish I live by the beach but unfortunately I live on an island where the biggest wave you can find is artificial on a fake island set on a fake beach (Wavehouse Sentosa anyone?_) so I try to plan surfing trip. I play the cello. I love going to bookstore cos I'm a geeky bookworm (only good literature please). I love to write. I recently like to workout (endorphin is good). I love good movies
Miss B: What's your favorite color?
Miss B: Are you trying to psychoanalyze me?
Miss B: What's your favorite book?
Miss B: Love in the Time of Cholera's my favorite book and my least favorite movie is Love in the Time of Cholera. 
Miss B: Music?
Miss B: You don't ask a music whore what her favorite music is. I've got too many. I was the music director for my college internet radio so my taste is diverse. From classical, to alternative, to pop, to metal...I listen to everything except death metal really. But I tend to love digging out unheard of album and artist. One of my claim to fame is that I made Feist famous...long story for another time
Miss B: What's your fashion style?
Miss B: Anything that doesn't make me look like I work in a bank. READ: I do anything except corporate look (in a way I'm kinda screwed cos I do work in a corporate environment). But in general, I like the messy chic. Nothing overtly sexy cos I have nothing sexy to show to begin with. But I like the geeky cool look or I like to dress a bit like a cute boy and I think bag is pretty important. But occasionally I do like to dress like a girl and look pretty. In general, I can be wearing shit clothes but usually the bag will be a pretty rad one 
Miss B: Do you have a signature quote?
Miss B: Yes, I always say "Men are carcinogenic" whenever I hear shit stuff about the opposite sex
Miss B: Oh wow...that's strong, but what kind of guys do you dig?
Miss B: Jay Kay from Jamiroquai really. I have a thing for broody bad boys type and that kinda explains why I'm still on the shelf perhaps
Miss B: Met any lately?
Miss B: No, none. Zero, zilch. I think I'm most likely gonna be a nun and I'll wear a pink and purple habit. So if you know any cool men, drop me an email
Miss B: Name 3 celebrities you'd like to bang
Miss B: Jay Kay from Jamiroquai, Ed Westwick & Huge Jackman
Miss B: Got any girl crush? You dig Angelina Jolie?
Miss B: I do not dig Angelina. Yes she's hot but she's not the kind I like though she's dark. I find her rather psychotic. My girl crush is probably Alexa Chung. Not crush in a amorous kind of way but I think she's the coolest girl around. Funny, witty, smart, stylish, charming.

Sorry, I know I'm boring you guys, I'll stop now cos I need to go pee....

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